The Tortoise and the Hare- Setting the Pace in Swinging

The Tortoise and the Hare- Setting the Pace in Swinging- By Serendipity702

Once you’ve decided to enter into the wild world of swinging as a couple, one question that may arise is, “How quickly (or slowly) should we proceed?”   More times than not, there will be one partner who is gung-ho about jumping right in and having lots of new, sexy, and exciting experiences. In contrast, the other partner may be a little more reluctant and cautious about getting started and worried about how this will affect their relationship. How does a couple rectify these seemingly conflicting desires and settle upon a pace that suits both people? I don’t know that there is a concrete answer to this, but as someone who has both been part of a couple in the LS, and had the benefit of interacting with LOTS of couples and gleaning wisdom from them, I’m willing to offer some thoughts on this topic.

One piece of advice I’ve heard many times is that the pace should be set by the slowest person. The person who has the greatest fear, the most doubt and worry is the person who will need the most care.  This may be frustrating for the partner who is eager to get started, but according to many, if you desire to preserve your relationship, both within swinging and apart from it, the “eager beaver” is going to need to slow down. 

The reasons for catering to the slowest person (aka the tortoise) are many. If you proceed at the speed of the fastest person, (the hare), you run the risk of the tortoise feeling disregarded, insecure, and jealous. All of these feelings are killers for swinging. Not only do those feelings impact the relationship, between the two partners (which should be the most important thing), but they will often affect those with whom you are swinging. So while the hare is acting like a starving person at a buffet, eager to sample any and everything, the tortoise often is sitting back ruminating on it all and trying to process their feelings.  Perhaps they try to keep up with the hare, despite their discomfort. We can probably predict how that will go- the hare ends up having a great time, the tortoise doesn’t, and when they get home-- issues. What is supposed to be a fun experience for BOTH parties ends up being one-sided. As a result, the tortoise’s dissatisfaction could display itself in any number of ways- an argument or drama in the moment (uncomfortable, to say the least, for everyone), refusal to continue swinging, or worst case scenario, the implosion of the relationship.

I’ve experienced this personally as the both the tortoise and the hare. As the tortoise, I was with someone who was so excited and eager to begin swinging that they kept presenting me with options and opportunities, at what felt like every turn. He called it persistence, but for me it just came across as pushy, and after awhile became so off-putting and frustrating that it sent me into retreat mode- to a point where I didn’t want to do anything LS related with him. 

Imagine it this way:

Hare: Hey, do you want to go out to eat?

Me: No, I’m not really hungry.

Hare: Come on, I want to eat!!

Me: Okay, okay…We can go to a restaurant, but I really don’t want anything. Maybe I’ll just get a drink.

Hare: Here, how about some pizza? I ordered you a slice.

Me: No, I don’t really feel like pizza.

Hare: How about a burger? (presents a burger to me)

Me: No…I told you, I’m not really hungry.

Hare: Pasta, come on, eat some pasta. I really want us to eat together! Why are you always turning down my suggestions?? I brought pasta for you!

Me: FINE. I don’t really want pasta, but since you’re so set on it… (chokes down pasta, not really enjoying it, while Hare relishes every bite.  I watch him eat resentfully, feeling like I’d been bullied into it.)

Now, imagine that scenario with swinging. My hare persisted in offering up “suggestions” on a regular basis, almost every week.  From my perspective, I couldn’t understand his rush. Why he wouldn’t let me “order” what (or who) I wanted, and “eat” when and if I wanted to?  Usually, as it was in our case, the hare is happy with whatever the tortoise chooses, as tortoises tend to be a bit more selective and discerning. My constant declining his offers became frustrating for him, as he was extremely enthusiastic and really wanted to have experiences, and in turn, his over-eagerness was a turn off for me. He didn’t like one of the cardinal rules in the LS- “let the woman choose.” Eventually, I threw in the towel on our LS life and told him that I did not want to participate in it with him anymore. I felt like he cared about “experiences” more than he did about me, and that was a terrible feeling. I was over it. The rift between us ended up being the demise of our relationship.

On the other hand, I have also been the hare in this situation, when my ex-husband and I first started our LS journey. He was reluctant about the whole thing, and really wanted to tiptoe our way into it. So, we’d go to parties and events and never play. He’d be content to meet and greet, but when the action started, he wanted to leave. I was frustrated because I wanted to stay and watch and/or participate and couldn’t understand why he didn’t. However, I knew not to push- if I did, then I knew he’d do what I did with the aforementioned hare- put his foot down and say we weren’t doing anything at all. So, we baby-stepped things. It took months, if not years, before he found his comfort level, and we still had setbacks and times where we paused and didn’t do anything LS at all. In retrospect, even though my wants and desires weren’t fulfilled immediately, I’m glad that we waited. It was much better for us to have taken our time so we BOTH felt comfortable, rather than me zipping ahead and risking causing problems between the two of us. It is important to recognize that swinging is just an extracurricular activity- you have to deal with your partner on a regular basis, and that’s what is most important.  Patience, in our case, was a virtue.

Now, if both of you are on the same page, and want to proceed at the same pace, by all means, jump into the deep end with both feet. But pay attention to signs, signals, and have those tough conversations to “check in” and make sure you both are feeling good about the speed in which you’re moving, and the activities (and people) you’re choosing.

The bottom line is, if you are operating in the LS as a couple (whether it is a play-partner couple, or a more established one), you have to operate as a unit.  Swinging as a couple truly is a team sport. So, if you’re the hare, you may not get to the destination first, but you’ll get there with less stress and more happiness if you check your pace to match that of the tortoise. Regardless, eventually you’ll both make it to the finish line together, which is a win for everyone.

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Unicorns Are People Too: Tips For Swinging With The Single Female

 

Unicorns Are People Too: Tips For Swinging With The Single Female

By Serendipity702

As a single female, aka a "unicorn," I'm approached rather frequently by couples and singles looking for fun and frolic. While I appreciate and am flattered by the advances, there are a few things (okay, more than a few things), that sometimes get under my skin a bit. I don't purport to speak for all single females in the lifestyle, but sometimes I feel like people think that unicorns are no more than a piece of meat, dangling out there for all to use and enjoy, and that's not the best feeling. So, in the spirit of helpfulness, I thought I'd compile a quick guide for swinging with single females. Again, this is just from my perspective- everyone has their own individual likes, wants, needs, and desires, but this may be handy as a starting point.

 

First, when contacting a single female, it is probably best NOT to lead off with something sexual. Nothing makes me roll my eyes faster than when a couple or another single mentions playing or what they want to do to me sexually during the first message or exchange. How about a "hi, how are you?" I want to feel valued as a person, not just a toy for your amusement. So, take a bit of time to get to know me on a non-sexual level, at least for a few messages.  Compliments are a great way to break the ice, but don't go overboard with them, especially as it pertains to sex. Ask me about what I do for fun, my likes, my favorite things.  I am someone who enjoys relationship building and getting to know people first (I know not everyone is like this), so don't rush this process. It's not a race! 

 

Once we progress beyond the pleasantries and start to get to know each other, we may start discussing things of a more sexual nature. If we're at that point, that's totally fine, but don't go from 0-100 right away. Just like you wouldn't go straight for the pounding in a play situation, ladies need a little foreplay and warm up first when it comes to conversation. Remember, at this point, we're still pretty much strangers. So while you might want to tell me all about how you want to devour my kitty and stuff me with your hard dick- restraint is key.   Let the flow of the conversation dictate the pace. And, because it can't be mentioned enough, a word about pictures. I love pictures-  taking them, sending them, and seeing them. But PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT surprise me with an unsolicited dick, kitty, or action shot. If I want to see that, I will certainly ask for it. BUT if I happen to open my messages at the gym, grocery store, or anywhere else and BLAM, there's a picture of someone's privates... No Bueno.

 

As a side note, for some reason, many people think that single females in the lifestyle are either desperate and/or down for whatever. I'm sorry to disappoint, but that's usually not the case.  Speaking for myself, I'm able to get sex pretty easily, if that's what I want. Most of us are intelligent, attractive, well-rounded people, and we didn't start our lifestyle journeys out of desperation or from a lack of sex. I am not attracted to the lifestyle just to get easy sex with random people- that's not my aim. I like the freedom of it, the sexiness, the openness, the flirtation. So approaching me as if I should just be happy to get an offer probably isn't going to get you very far. 

 

Back to the process! After some connection has been established, you may suggest meeting in person. A meeting in a public place, like a restaurant, bar, or lounge to see if there is in-person chemistry works best for me. Suggesting that I come to your home or hotel room for a first meeting will likely be declined.  I always go to these "first dates" without expecting to play- I hate feeling pressured. If our chemistry is just AMAZING and the logistics work out, then perhaps more will happen on that first date, but more times than not, it won't. Anyway, sometimes half the fun is in building anticipation! 

 

Unfortunately, sometimes the chemistry just isn't right. Perhaps your unicorn wasn't what you expected, or you  (and/or your partner) weren't what she expected. That's okay. Just be kind and respectful- whether you are the one conveying that things won't go further, or the recipient of that information. Don't force the issue, don't get upset, and please, don't try to pressure her into doing something she's not fully comfortable with. Likewise, if you and your partner aren't on BOTH on the same page and BOTH totally on board, do NOT try to play regardless. It's uncomfortable for everyone to get caught in the midst of someone else's drama. 

 

Enough of the negative. Let's say all has gone well. We've connected via message, we've had some great conversations, things have graduated to sexy talk, we've exchanged pictures, we've met in person, had some drinks,  laughs, and great chemistry. Awesome! Now comes the time to take the next step and set up a play date. Think of it as you would any other date, and again, remember- we're not going 0-100 here! Some drinks, maybe a light meal, and something to set the mood and ease your unicorn into things would be great.  If you're going back to your house, make sure that it is clean, and that it has all of the items she'd need. One of my best experiences with a couple was one where we went out for drinks, then went back to their place, where we had a little snack and started to make out a bit. We moved into the bedroom, and they showed me to the bathroom so we all could freshen up a little before playtime.  They had everything I could think of- towel, soap, washcloth,  a new toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant- they obviously were not new to this! 

 

Hopefully, I don't have to educate anyone on the intricacies of sexy time, so I'll just share a few words of wisdom here. Your unicorn is a guest, and she should be treated as one- with courtesy, respect, and as though you are happy and excited to have her there. Ask about her likes/dislikes, her rules or boundaries, and include her in whatever your fun time entails. You want her to have a pleasant experience, so hopefully she'll return! 

 

Dealing with things after you've played with your unicorn can be tricky sometimes. Your urge may be to say something like, "that was fun," right after things are over and show her the door so you can snuggle with your significant other or go to sleep. Please don't do that. You'll leave your unicorn feeling cheap, used, and sad. This is not to say that she has to sleep over or cuddle with you all night, but give her a little time and attention after the action has concluded. She'll likely want to clean up a bit, and if she wants to leave right away, no problem, don't hold her hostage. Just make sure she knows how much fun you had, how you'd like to see her again (if you would) and show her some affection before she leaves. It feels really awful to have spent your time and shared your body with someone and then be discarded, so please be considerate. 

 

After your unicorn has departed and you're basking in the afterglow, remember to reach out to her the next day (or even the same night), to thank her for her company. Even if there is not a repeat performance, I always think fondly of the people who really treated me with kindness and respect. That's what this is all about, right? Respect.  Happy unicorn hunting! 

Check out more blogs from Serendipity702 at www.mywildlifestyle.com

The next Generation Of Swingers

The culture of swinging is constantly transforming, adhering to the changes in the broader dating world. The 21st century has been a pivot point for psychology, biology and sexuality thanks to technological advances.  

Let's take a look at how these innovations will affect the swinging society:

Flirting and swinging are like peanuts and peanut butter: you need one to get to the other. One of the wildest changes to the swinging world has been technology. Websites like mywildlifestyle and their mobile app are becoming staples for all lifestyles who want to meet, greet and flirt their way into the sheets. Now, a new interactive sex toy may make those late night videos even more exciting. The simplest explanation is that the toy is is a physical representation of anatomy that responds to digital signals being shared via webcam by two parties. Laments: when you're favorite couple is webcamming you, hook up this USB operated dildo or dilgina and put in some work. Want to know more? Times Reports New Interactive Sex Toy

MWL swingers are already abusing and misusing technology for our sexual delight (click here to find out) so it will be no surprise if we move on to molesting technology too! With these cyber sex dolls and vibrating panties that an online partner controls the advents of pleasure are never ending!

The joy of having multiple partners is that you can watch sex while having sex. You can watch your wife orgasm while shoving your dick into a wet tight hole. Google knows how much we love to look and made something to appeal to the voyeurs in us all; the google glass sex app allows you to watch yourself having sex while having sex! The app had the potential to connect to enabled lamps and music devices so you can be the Porn Producer you've always felt like you were at play parties. Read more here.

Sadly, Google glasses have been discontinued for now. But I have faith in our generation and and the many markets for technology. Perhaps if we make enough noise we can dissuade Samsung or even Apple to follow through? Filming and recording our freaky fun is second nature. Don't believe me? Check out some of the wildest real life swinging videos (MWL members showing out).

Safe sex and swinging are more synonymous than most vanilla assume. In the future we will be able to use our protection to diagnose and detour sexually transmitted diseases.  Thanks to the creative integrity of two teenagers who are working towards developing condoms that change color when they come into contact with STI. They even have a color coded system enabling the condom to change to a specific color for each prevalent disease. More info here!

For us swingers we will be able to determine our levels of intimacy simply by reading a chart. Not only does this invention help protect us, the shame of having a condom indicate anything other than healthy should definitely encourage people to be thorough about their sexuality health.

So here you have it.... The the new day of swinging will have way more cyber sex- with sensation! - an interactive way to record and watch yourself in the act and ways to ensure sex is always safe and satisfying. Let's look forward to the future and to the craziest swinger party in NYC:MWL's  Naughty Back 2 School Party.

To all my freaks and kinks

For more great swinger blogs from Sylph, Join us at www.mywildlifestyle.com

The Seven Sins of Online Swinger Dating

The Seven Sins of Online Swinger Dating: The best way to navigate your online swinging profile

        GREED: Know your servings. Always pay attention to whether a profile represents a couple or a single.USE THE APPROPRIATE GREETING; acknowledging both members of the couple and be sure to ask a single female about her current status.

The Ultimate Sin: Sending a message to a couple and only acknowledging the female!!!

ENVY: No camouflage.. Ever! Men in couples should  not chat online with anyone under the pretense that they are the wife/gf. ALWAYS BE CLEAR ABOUT WHO IS SPEAKING. Not only is this deceitful and misleading but it doesn't work for couples you actually play with. Once you all get comfortable with each other its going to become obvious that she wasn't the one talking.

The Ultimate Sin: Flirting with the male half of one couple in lieu of your absent wife. Just despicable. You will probably give the couple a good laugh after the startle fades but they will laugh at you when they see you. Every. Single.Time.

WRATH: Don’t hold someone in contempt if they have to tell you no. UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT OTHER SWINGERS’ SCHEDULES. People have jobs and family lives … So dont be surprised if very few couples/singles can’t meet you for a weekday playdate. The best course of action is to always plan for the future.

The Ultimate Sin: Intentionally planning a play date/party that conflicts with another member out of spite. Accidents happen and birthdays tend to cluster but if a play date is planned way ahead of time, the appropriate thing to do is to reach out to that person first and see if you can alter or even combine your schedule.

SLOTH: Nothing is less attractive than a lazy lover! Closed mouths don't get fed. If you see a couple or a single female that you are interested in, don’t just click on the like button. SEND THEM A PRIVATE MESSAGE and really get to know them!

The Ultimate Sin: Waiting till you meet them at the party to tell them how much you've been thinking about them. Especially after e-stalking their pictures!

PRIDE: Don’t be too bold. Though most females get away with lewd photography (it’s even in burger commercials) there is a certain sexy to keeping it classy. Always be aware of where you share pictures and how receptive the receiver is to nudity on their phone.DICK PICS ARE NEVER A GOOD THING to lead with when contacting a couple or single lady.

The Ultimate Sin: Sending a couple’s or single ladies account an unsolicited dick pic. Ew.

GLUTTONY: The Lifestyle is not an All you can eat" buffet. You can just grab anyone you want an get what you want at any time. Before you stick your face in some yummy, stick your nose in a book! Make sure you HAVE SOME KNOWLEDGE BESIDES HEARSAY. Swingers have a different definition of love than most contemporary couples and we tend not to  think the same way vanilla people do. Reading blogs/articles like this, signing up on a discrete swinging community , and going to swinger meet-and-greets  are great ways to learn the lifestyle lingo and avoid offending any potential playmates.

The Ultimate Sin: Coming to a swinger party with a stranger just for the kicks of it. We don’t need vanilla voyeurs anymore than a dog needs fleas. A new swinger can come and inform themselves but if you are not lifestyle friendly, just lifestyle curious, then I would like you to google any inquiries you have from the safety of your desktop. Thank you!.

LUST: While we can admit this is probably the one sin I promote the most, there is a limit to all things, even the sultry and delicious. Do not be too forward and DO NOT EXPECT SEX with someone simply because they are a swinger or attend a lifestyle event.

The Ultimate Sin: Becoming belligerent/spiteful or even disheartened because a potential playmate turned you down. C’mon. You’re a sexy ass mofo. Go out there and find someone who can help you get yours harder than he/she/they could!

For more blogs by NellegetsGushy, visit www.mywildlifestyle.com

An Arousing Anecdote

AN AROUSING ANECDOTE

LS LINGO

It was either the depth of his long forceful stroke or the way she moaned while more of her juices stained my already smothered lips that caused me to climax harder than—harder than I ever did before in my life. Looking up at her I licked my lips seductively and she squeezed my neck with her legs. Then she hopped off the bed and bent over to give me a deep sensual kiss. He forcefully thrusted reminding me that I was not yet done. He grabbed my handcuffs and used them to anchor my waist as he shoved five more into me, let out a deep grunt with each one. MY legs quivered as he left me, receding from his own climax. Still cuffed and bound I felt my own fluids dripping down my leg. He carefully untied me and motioned towards the bathroom where his girlfriend was cleaning up. Instead of getting up I laid down in the bed smelling the scent of making intense love, the scent of these two people who were just strangers to me hours ago…..

Four hours before this I had been invited to a BDSM Swingers Party in Astoria. I was 23, single and according to the couple that invited me I was a unicorn.

As I got dressed the female half of the couple rang my doorbell. She hurried in, criticizing my outfit for being too vanilla. I was reminded that this party will be on premise.

I heard about swinger parties before but never got around to going to one. My friends had been members of an online lifestyle community My Wild Lifestyle. They ran off a list of their close friends, some people who were friends of mines as well, all of them who were on the site and were also swingers. It amazed me and still does... all these people that I knew were secretly swingers, secretly fucking each other and then going out to brunch as though nothing was the matter.  I always thought it would be too intense for me. My friend suggested I come with a single male, a bull who wanted to come out to the party. I should avoid going to the second floor of the club. I was not sure what I wanted to do but I knew I was NOT going home with s single male. I wanted to live up the night and that meant it would not end the way any night in a regular club would. I ripped off my dress and left on only the purple and black corset, my purple thong, and the fishnet stockings that were supposed to barely peep out over my tall boots. I felt like a sexy super hero.

It was not until we walked into the club that I got to see what she was wearing. Her blue eyeshadow matched the blue shiny blue pasties and the blue skirt she wore. I never saw my friend naked like this, and never realized how succulent her breasts were. A blue horsetail peeped out of the tiny leather skirt. I later learned that she was plugged to advertise her enthusiasm for anal.

Her husband showed up later in some slacks and a bowtie. He was shirtless. I almost felt overdressed when I scanned the club. Tits, thighs, stomachs and chests were all exposed as though a buffet of erogenous body parts was laid out before me.  Clamps, leashes and people bonded with ropes were also on display. I grabbed my drink, a prepared Long Island Iced Tea that I made with a shot of Hennessy. Knowing that the club was BYOB I uninhibited myself and got a bit faded before hitting the dance floor. I had not finished my drink but already three woman had complimented me, two men introduced themselves and their wives to me and one couple asked me to save them a dance.

I felt sexy as hell and I realized that I was surrounded by many types of beautiful ladies. The pheromones alone almost drowned me.

Finally hitting the dance floor I saw my friend on a small stage with a pole. She was so flirty and sexy, flipping her hair and rubbing her breasts as another girl grinned behind her. I realized the girl was Lucia, a busty Hispanic woman who had introduced me to her husband ‘Mister K’. She explained to me that they had a Daddy Dom relationship and he was to be addressed as Mister. She motioned for me to join and I felt someone slightly touch my neck as I moved through the crowd and hopped on the stage.

I danced slowly, hoping no one could see the moisture in my panties.

I bounced between the couple I came with, the bar where my drink sat and this new couple; Lucia and Mister K. At one point I found Mister K spanking a woman who was not his wife with a paddle. I watched his crotch bulge and his eyes widen with excitement as her ass got redder and her screams got louder. I thought he was making a scene but the females 69’ing in the corner had most people’s attention. I grabbed the paddle and smacked the girls right butt cheek. She turned around, sensing the difference in intensity and when we made eye contact I blew her kiss. Having control over her body turned me on beyond words and I began to rub my own ass on Mister K as I smacked hers. He whispered something about going upstairs to a playroom with his wife. I leaned in to tell him okay and he took advantage, grabbing my face and kissing it gently. I almost came from that kiss alone.

BREAK DOWN OF LS LINGO

BDSM – including bondage, domination and submission, and roleplay BDSM includes a variety of erotic fetishes and many swingers experiment with a variety of these.

Unicorn- a single woman in the lifestyle.  A rare and precious site.

 Vanilla – those who are not about the lifestyle life.

On premise- a party area that encourages and facilitates sex on their premises. IMO the best type of parties!

Bull- a single male in the lifestyle. Though it may seem uncommon there are couples looking for single males but the term comes from the idea that these men are invasive and obvious.

Plugged (anal plug) – a good way to advertise that you are ready and willing for anal play is by wearing a decorative anal plug. Though anal is not every swingers style, I personally keep a nice supply of plugs for some fun.

Clamps- Nipple clamps for the naughty girls who like a little bit of pain.

Leashes- Another personal favorite leashes are used by submissive women. The leash allows them to be controlled by anyone who they offer it to. My leashes are always in the hands of a nasty rough lover during the play parties. I would not have it any other way.

Ropes – particularly for the B in BDSM rope, especially Japanese bondage rope,  can be used to tie a young woman up and, with her permission, fuck the permission out of me…I mean her… *takes hand out of panties* .. Where was I?

Dom- For the D in BDSM Doms are the names for the dominating half of a couple that usually is given permission to control the will of the submissive half. My Dom particular enjoys spanking me, tying me up, teasing me until I beg, fucking me until my knees bend, denying me my right to cum and then making me cum uncontrollably by barely touching me. Just talking about it makes me wet.

Paddle- One of the tools used to give a nice, lasting spanking to a naughty swinger.

Playroom – Most on-premise locations include private rooms with freshly cleaned sheets, condoms and tools to help swingers.

Check out more blogs at www.mywildlifestyle.com